From The End of Death, Volume Two
Copyright 2018 Nouk Sanchez
Listen to the AUDIO VERSION here
The body happens to be our greatest repository for un-forgiven guilt as self-attack. And while we still mistake the body as our self then it will appear to betray us through pain, disease and aging, etc. Yet are we willing to look for and heal the unseen, number one cause of all our ailments?
The special relationship is the single greatest contributor to all forms of self-attack including illness, pain and death. Through the false-self and its laws of the world, we have given many different labels to what we mistakenly believe are the thousands of “causes” for different bodily conditions. Very few people have yet realized that every one of these so called causes is purely an “effect” of the singular, unacknowledged cause of all disease and pain – our un-forgiven guilt.
“Of one thing you were sure: Of all the many causes you perceived as bringing pain and suffering to you, your guilt was not among them.” T-27.VII.7:3
The illusion of guilt goes hand in hand with the belief in both punishment and fear. Unconsciously we believe we sinned against God by making a false-self to take the place of God’s most Holy Child, our Holy Self. To condense, we believe we have sinned and thus we fear punishment. All fear and its painful results, despite their differing forms, arises from this deeply unconscious yet insane belief.
If we did not believe that we are fundamentally guilty it would be impossible to feel fear or experience the countless “effects” we project out of fear. If we were to embrace and embody our changeless and incorruptible innocence, fear and suffering would disappear. But in order to know this completely guiltless and indestructible state while in a body, we must heal – forgive – our investment in sin.
To judge our self or others is the belief in sin. By the way, there is no hierarchy of judgment or sin because they are all false, being the opposite of Love (God). There are no half judgments. Either we judge as guilty or we value guiltlessness. Judgment is like pregnancy. We cannot be a little bit pregnant. We’re either pregnant – or not.
To the ego sin (judgment) is irrevocable, unalterable and irreversible. It is real and immovable. A sin may seem to be forgiven by the ego but it is never forgotten. It is carried at all times in the mind and densely enshrouds the shining and innocent ever-present moment.
It also blinds us from recognizing others as they really are. We see them only through our own murky filter. And sadly, we accept from them only that which our corrupted filter summons from them. This is why the ego cannot give Love or receive Love. It seeks Love but makes sure it never finds it.
The one who carries these un-forgiven judgments has unknowingly condemned himself. To the degree he believes in sin – that his judgments are justified – is the degree he secretly attracts punishment as self-attack. All illness and relationship conflicts are effects of these un-relinquished judgments.
“Sin is attacked by punishment, and so preserved. But to forgive it is to change its state from error into truth.” T-25.III.8:12-13
The source of our pain regardless of the myriad forms it seems to take lies in some past memory (belief) – a judgment – of being unfairly treated, which is replayed to overlay the present moment. It is then projected into the future by our un-relinquished agreement that it did indeed happen and that this injustice was real.
Once believed as real, it cannot be forgiven. It is impossible to forgive a real sin. Yet it is very possible, even necessary, to forgive mistakes or errors. These can be forgiven. The ego’s attacks no matter how vile, are always errors only and never sins. Nothing in the ego’s dream is un-forgivable.
Our past memory of attack (separation) is valued by the ego and is thus stored within its filter of perception. Unless genuine forgiveness takes place it uses the body’s five senses to report back to it that we are victim, always at the mercy of random external forces.
And it will command the body to see and feel evidence of attack to prove that guilt as attack, is real. This is to reinforce our long-standing belief that we were unfairly treated in the past and that now, we of our self independently of Spirit, must control and defend our body, our relationships and our life.
Special relationships are the unprecedented source of ongoing and unconscious self-attack. This may come as a shock but there could be no pain, illness or loss if we were to heal the ego’s distorted interpretation of our relationships which are all based on the past. We never relate with new people (or longtime companions) who appear in our life. We relate to our distorted perception of them. And it’s always this corrupted interpretation that we react to when they seem to trigger us in any way.
“Understand that you do not respond to anything directly, but to your interpretation of it. Your interpretation thus becomes the justification for the response.” T-12.I.1:4-5
Shadow Figures from the Past
When we relate to other people we do so through a filter which is heavily populated by our interpretation of people from our past. To the degree we still believe that we were indeed unfairly treated will be the extent to which we will be unable to join wholeheartedly with another. As much as we may say we long for Love we will lack the trust required to enter such transparent, honest and intimate relating. This deceptive filter is very well disguised so as we do not suspect it and therefore, heal it.
In addition, to the degree we still believe that we were unfairly treated is the same extent that we will secretly “expect” to be unfairly treated in the future. And we will secretly invite this punishing response from others because we are fearful of it. Recall that whatever we fear or defend our self from, we will attract. And this is why it is crucial to learn to forgive our self for what we unwittingly attracted to us in the seeming past.
Special relationships are not Loving. The false-self only knows the past along with the guilt and blame it sees and seeks from the past. It is never present to the Holy Instant just “now.” As Jesus tells us, although hidden from conscious awareness, every choice for special relationship is made in order to pursue vengeance on the past. And someone else must be made responsible for our past suffering. This is how we lock our self in to the mistake of seeing others as guilty, not realizing that all the while we are crucifying our self.
“Every such choice is made because of something “evil” in the past to which you cling, and for which must someone else atone.” … “The special relationship takes vengeance on the past. By seeking to remove suffering in the past, it overlooks the present in its preoccupation with the past and its total commitment to it.” T-16.VII.1:5,2:1-2
The past is the ego’s only reference; a time that is over and not here any longer. In resurrecting the past, the ego sets its sights on making sure that others witness to its secret wish to be unfairly treated. Then it can justify its anger which perpetuates the cycle of guilt and attack.
“In the special relationship it does not seem to be acting out of vengeance that you seek. And even when the hatred and the savagery break briefly through, the illusion of love is not profoundly shaken. Yet the one thing the ego never allows to reach awareness is that the special relationship is the acting out of vengeance on yourself.” T-16.VII.5:1-3
To forgive is to remember only the Loving thoughts you exchanged with others in the past. Anything other than this must be released and forgotten because only the unreal or false part of you experienced it. Only the false-self is capable of pain, loss or suffering. The Holy Self is entirely impervious to suffering because it knows only one Reality and that is What we are – as Love without opposite.
The false-self is the one that populates its present experience with appointed “shadow figures” from the past. For example, as a child I had a few specific shadow figures among many. In my earlier childhood I recall being terrified one evening when a bearded man entered my room unannounced.
Through the lens of fear (ego), this was a stranger whose tall, heavy stature and giant black beard was a symbol that I should fear for my life. Where I had plucked that symbol from I can hardly guess except that it must have been a memory I brought in with me from one of the unhealed life frames within the ego’s endless loop of seeming lifetimes.
This black-bearded man had a murderous intent. This was my interpretation at just two years old. How on earth could that be? Even at two years old I had brought the ego split mind in with me from before birth and even further to before conception. My decisions were made and the unhealed “fear of God” was in full swing.
The bearded man with the murderous intent who entered my room that evening happened to be my dear uncle. He had made a long and arduous trip by train to surprise us. He had brought a lovely gift for me but my fear-filter had rejected both him and the gift. Furthermore, as I grew up I developed a distinct dislike and distrust of all bearded men.
Even in my earlier adult stage I avoided bearded men until I realized how crazy this was. I saw my insanity; that I had overlaid this past shadow-figure onto all men with beards.
Let’s look at these shadow figures more closely. My greatest shadow figure was my mother. I had a very difficult relationship with her to say the least. And yet, as forgiveness took place I saw her in a completely different light. She had come to help me, as my teacher and not as my jailer.
As a child growing up I perceived her as constantly critical of me. I could never reach her meticulously high standards in anything I did. And so I took that constant critical voice and unwittingly projected it outward so that it seemed no matter which person I entered relationship with, they also mirrored to me that I was incapable, weak, error-prone and unworthy.
Little did I know back then that I had dragged this particular shadow-figure (mother) from the past and superimposed it over those I had related with. And I would often feel as if I was an innocent victim and that they were guilty of treating me unfairly.
Once we mistakenly believe we were unfairly treated in the past then we will inadvertently try to “reincarnate” that particular wound via projecting this unhealed past belief onto others. All of this remains unconscious until we desire to make it conscious. While it remains hidden it will appear as if we really are being unfairly treated. And through the ego we will look for evidence to prove it, thereby assuming our pseudo innocence by making it seem that another is guilty.
“The shadow figures always speak for vengeance, and all relationships into which they enter are totally insane. Without exception, these relationships have as their purpose the exclusion of the truth about the other, and of yourself. This is why you see in both what is not there, and make of both the slaves of vengeance.” T-17.III.2:2-4
Revealing our Hidden Attractions
I think this may be a perfect place to share the Course’s pivotal teaching on “perception’s fundamental law.” Seeing that most our suffering usually arises from the unseen specialness dynamic in our relationships, remembering this fundamental law should help us to heal by choosing again whenever we feel triggered.
Who would willingly desire guilt, judgment and blame? Surprisingly, to the degree we experience or perceive guilt, judgment and blame, is the same extent to which we actually treasure it and call it into our experience.
Recall too, that to the degree we defend our self from guilt, judgment, blame or attack (including illness, aging, lack) reveals in equal measure just how much we inadvertently “value” it, and therefore keep it in our experience. We have obviously given it mistaken reality because we defend against it, valuing it – in our mind – as a force (belief) equal to, or greater than God’s Love and healing.
Perception’s fundamental law says that we will always see, feel, hear and experience exactly what we believe is there. And the only way we could possibly perceive any conflict or adversity at all (or any good) is based on one premise – because we desire it. And because we desire it we put it there.
100% of our reality is made through our desire. Everything we experience comes exclusively from our desire for it.
Whatever we believe is real, whatever we believe to be a threat and whatever we defend our self from…represents what we value. And while most these “values of threat and attack” remain as un-forgiven, they must materialize to continue revealing exactly what we unconsciously value so it can be forgiven and healed once and for all.
“To the extent to which you value guilt, to that extent will you perceive a world in which attack is justified. To the extent to which you recognize that guilt is meaningless, to that extent you will perceive attack cannot be justified. This is in accord with perception’s fundamental law: You see what you believe is there, and you believe it there because you want it there. Perception has no other law than this.” T-25.III.1:1-4
The beautiful thing about withdrawing our projections and finally seeing our unconscious blocks is that we’re now able to bring them to the light of conscious awareness. And it’s here –without guilt or self-blame – that we sincerely hand them over to Holy Spirit to be forgiven in exchange for abundant miracles.
As we awaken to our Holy Self, we move from valuing the ego’s destructive habits of attack and defense, to welcoming triggers because we know miracles always exist behind every trigger, behind every forgiveness opportunity. We come to recognize them as a valuable means to flush out what we have mistakenly projected externally onto others and the body, and forgive our self entirely.
So the “calls to war” we previously heard, become joyfully transformed into calls for peace and union. This is where we begin to see the radiant glory in those we previously saw ugliness and contempt, and where Christ Vision develops to joyfully take the place of what the ego sees.
“And when he chooses to avail himself of what is given him, then will he see each situation that he thought before was means to justify his anger turned to an event which justifies his love. He will hear plainly that the calls to war he heard before are really calls to peace. He will perceive that where he gave attack is but another altar where he can, with equal ease and far more happiness, bestow forgiveness. And he will reinterpret all temptation as just another chance to bring him joy.” T-25.III.6:5-8
When we truly desire to look past the temptation to condemn we will learn to value and therefore, manifest Love instead of fear. And as we do this we align with and as God’s Will. As we learn to treasure forgiveness instead of judgment, we relinquish that deep seated guilt in our mind that has called for eons of self-punishment. When we forgive, we close the gap with others and within our self. And minds that are joined and recognize they are – can feel no guilt – consequently they no longer attract self-punishment.
One often unidentified reason we bring our “shadow figures” from the past and overlay them on present relationships is to keep our pseudo innocence intact. This corrupted form of the ego’s idea of innocence always demands that, 1) we are a victim of hurt, abandonment or betrayal, and, 2) that someone else is guilty as the perpetrator.
To clarify, our corrupted innocence is always bought at the cost of making someone else guilty. This is exactly why it’s corrupt. The ego thinks it is safe while it continues to believe it’s a victim. That way it gets to project its own guilt onto another as a way of keeping real Love (as healing and union) apart from us and the body.
Through the false-self, victim and perpetrator appear to be different, even opposites to be more exact. Yet the underlying purpose beneath the belief in being either a perpetrator or a victim – is the same.
These two are the same because they share the same purpose. Recall that when something shares the identical purpose (intent) it is the same regardless of the seeming “form” it takes. Their intent is consistent so they share the same purpose.
Both victim and perpetrator are ego roles we play in an attempt to prove the impossible – that sin, guilt and fear, are real. The Truth is that sin, guilt & fear are real –or– God’s Love is real. These two beliefs are mutually exclusive and under no circumstances can they coexist. Choose to believe one and we will forfeit the other.
Your innocence can never be at the cost of making someone else guilty. If you believe that someone else is guilty then you secretly keep that guilt and it will usually attack the body unless it is willingly forgiven.
The Truth at all times regardless of appearances to the contrary, is that we are completely guiltless…no matter what the ego has dreamed up.
“Holy Spirit, please help me to forgive MYSELF for having unknowingly used ___(person, pain, illness, lack, self-blame, etc)___to attack myself and to separate from my Holy Self.”
HERE ARE TWO POWERFUL TOOLS:
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