Copyright 2012 Nouk Sanchez
I am in the midst of a deeper learning. It came as quite a shock. I don’t need the body in order to feel truly ‘joined’ with another. Just today an insight appeared as I sat still. I used to miss my loved ones terribly when we were physically apart. Now, I don’t have the experience of ‘missing’ anyone. Why? Because I am present with myself wholeheartedly. I am no longer betraying or abandoning myself through the many ego roles I used to play such as mother, partner, friend, etc.
We can only miss another if we unknowingly miss our Self. That uncomfortable gap that we feel when we are separated physically from our loved ones, exists only in our perception. For me, I look back and see countless instances in which I had left myself in order to fulfill the many roles and expectations of the world. The needs of others were far more important than my own. And while the desire to meet the needs of others over those of our own sounds so virtuous, it often is not. Especially when we look deeper at how the ego works. Under much of my need to be good and helpful was a desperate search for approval. I had hoped that by being good, the world would reflect a positive identity back to me; one that I could call ‘me.’
Very gently I learnt to recognize all the areas that I tried to conform to the ego’s versions of relationships and worldly expectations. Spirit took me into every detail so as I could see where I had unknowingly betrayed my Self in order to pursue happiness and security outside my Self, through the body, in relationships and in the world.
The roles (rules too!) we play in our special relationships, are set up by the ego to ensure total distraction from meeting our Self intimately; from dropping inward to develop trust in our Holy Self above all else. The sadness in all of this is that the Love and security that we seek through the body, in the world and through our relationship roles, will always be exposed to threat of loss until we dare to prioritize our primary relationship… with Spirit within.
So an important key to finding infinite Love and security within, is the desire to expose and examine with Spirit those areas where we still unknowingly betray ourselves. Where do we continue to sacrifice and struggle? Where are we dishonest with ourselves?
When we sacrifice or struggle, we unconsciously demand that others do as well. And when they don’t, we get resentful. While we carry resentment, we separate from others and our self. This is a form of deprivation that we choose to take the place of divine union and abundance within.
Here is a prayer that I have used to help unearth situations and roles in which I was unknowingly betraying myself:
Prayer to Release Self Betrayal
“I recognize that my own fear of change or loss has tempted me to lie to myself. I am ready to unearth and heal the areas in which I betray myself. I recognize that I have unconsciously projected my self-betrayal onto my body, others or the world. Spirit, please help me to become mindful of when I abandon myself to fear or deprivation; and help me to forgive myself. I ask you to reveal to me and help me release all the areas in which fear has caused me to deny your Love as my Holy Self. Amen.”