Healing the Heart of all Anger
Monday, August 21, 2017
Copyright 2017 Nouk Sanchez
Listen to the AUDIO VERSION here
The real and underlying cause of all our anger is almost never identified. And this is why anger resurfaces time and time again. We still believe there are numerous people, past experiences and vastly different issues that can provoke our anger. And that right there is the unidentified belief that has obscured the real problem and its unequivocal solution. How can we ever hope to heal the destructive cause of anger if we just don’t recognize it?
The most important question to ask when we’re angry is this: “Who or what do I believe to be the cause of this anger?” This may come as a shock. What we attribute as the cause of anger is really just an effect of a much more deviously hidden cause.
The cause of all anger arises from our own denied and projected self-hatred. This is the unconscious guilt which the Course tells us is the singular cause of all pain, illness, relationship conflict and adversity. There could be no negative emotions without their hidden source as guilt. If the cause of anger is attributed to anyone or anything other than our own mind then we have projected it.
I thank those people who expressed their confusion over a short excerpt that I published on anger. Largely, it was their confusion and sincere desire to heal their anger that prompted me to write this longer explanation on how to re-purpose anger. The initial quote which elicited some confusion was this: “Anger is never justified because all anger arises from our own guilt (self-loathing) which is projected onto others. We (unknowingly) use others to attack our self – always. This is why all forgiveness is self-forgiveness.”
“A Course in Miracles” states that anger is never justified. However, this does not mean we repress and deny our angry feelings. I feel many Course students are quite confused in this area. Let me clarify.
In my own experience of being triggered the first step is to recognize this must be my own self-loathing (guilt) even if I can only recall this fact intellectually at first. But when I do remember this point I try not to judge myself for it. Otherwise it would be the false-self attempting to guilt-trip me and that is more self-attack.
I have trained my mind to supervise my thoughts, beliefs and emotions. This really is a method of divine SuperVision because I ask the Holy Spirit to look at these thoughts, beliefs and emotions with me. There is a great sense of relief when I do. Often I will receive insights as to what my anger attempted to hide and then I can forgive it. Almost always, if I stay with the anger while looking with Spirit, there is a gift waiting to be uncovered.
Anger is never justified because at the deepest level all anger is just a symptom of our mistaken anger at God (Love). All expressions of anger represent the ego’s fierce revolt against Love which is its rejection of the one Holy Self we are. It depends on anger to prove that both the separation and guilt are real. It does this to uphold and prolong its false identity.
When anger shows up it can be used by either the ego to perpetuate suffering or it can be utilized by Love to expose and heal our underlying false-belief and its pattern of self-betrayal. All emotions arise from “who” we believe we are. They are direct expressions of our fundamental beliefs and values, most of which are cleverly concealed in our unconscious until we courageously face them, re-purpose them and forgive our self for having valued them.
Anger can be helpful. The real question is always, “What is it for?” Its divine purpose is to show us where we have abandoned our self so we can heal it. Once it has surfaced we have an important choice to make. We can choose to continue to project onto another, our self, the past, the body, the world or God which serves to perpetuate unconscious self-attack. Or we can decide to be 100% accountable without self-judgment and ask Spirit in to reveal the treasure that lay beneath the anger. Remember that anger is not wrong. It is simply false. When we say its wrong then guilt is quick to follow.
For me now, I can at least begin to appreciate the expression of anger as a gift to reveal what I had unknowingly repressed and projected up till now. This ancient and often buried self-loathing deserves healing not more projection or judgment. That is why it showed up in the first place; to be healed. It’s doing me a favor! And so is the person that precipitated my anger.
The next practical step is to accept myself even whilst feeling angry. I refuse to justify the anger though. If I don’t accept myself then I must be either condemning myself… or condemning someone else. Both are attack. Think about that. I want the miracle behind the anger and this is all I want.
These expressions of anger are always “calls for Love”. So now I have trained myself to answer all calls for Love, even those from myself, with Love.
Accepting our self while feeling angry is a crucial step. This is giving our self the unconditional Love we never knew before. And it allows us the spaciousness of non-judgment in which to return to safety. From this secure and gently held space of Self-Love we are free to forgive our self for having unknowingly used someone or something to attack our self.
Now I can sincerely ask myself, “What do I want?” Do I want to keep the anger (guilt)? Or do I genuinely desire to have this self-loathing healed?” If I want it healed, I simply join Spirit and ask, expect and receive the miracle. Often, because of this, I am gifted with an emotional release of sadness. Occasionally, I find that sadness or even grief lay hiding underneath my initial anger.
Sometimes, if we go deep enough we can actually feel the ancient seat of this sadness is always the same. It’s an echo of the immense grief of our separation from Love, from God and our most Holy Self. It’s the grief felt from the primordial rejection of our eternal and incorruptible Innocence. And this is something most of us have never allowed our self to recognize or especially to feel. Yet to surrender deeply into allowing it to flow unimpeded by judgment, is such a powerfully transformative experience.
In my own experience, almost all of my anger disappeared within that deep emotional release, never to return. Upon reflection, it was a period in which I felt as if I was the recipient of waves of a seemingly vast and “impersonal” grief. I could not identify any particular cause for it. It was revealed though that I had reached down into the sub-layer which underpins all anger. And I let it go. Yet as I let it go, I was acutely aware that I was not alone. I felt sure that everyone who had ever been imprisoned by anger was with me in those precious moments of deep surrender. I saw then with immense gratitude that there was really just One of us letting it all go.
Later, I realized that I had experienced the Atonement. And then I understood Jesus’ teaching that when we heal we never heal alone.
“And as you let yourself be healed, you see all those around you, or who cross your mind, or whom you touch or those who seem to have no contact with you, healed along with you. Perhaps you will not recognize them all, nor realize how great your offering to all the world, when you let healing come to you. But you are never healed alone. And legions upon legions will receive the gift that you receive when you are healed.” … “Those who are healed become the instruments of healing.” W-137.10,11:1
Here is a conclusive test that helps me to determine immediately whether I have succeeded in giving my anger to Holy Spirit. These two points are crucial. They reveal where my underlying value is. I either value being victimized (the ego’s wish to be unfairly treated), or I consciously repeal it. I must desire to forgive more than I want to be right and justified in my anger. I cannot be attacked unless I unwittingly want it. And if I still feel victimized then it’s because I value (want) it. That way I can continue to project my own mistaken self-condemnation externally.
1) I recognize and accept that I am not a victim and my initial emotional charge diminishes or disappears entirely because I have forgiven myself. And, 2) I can sense a feeling of gratitude which replaces my previous feeling of having been victimized.
Here is a condensed summary of the process that I covered earlier in this excerpt:
Practical Steps to Re-Purpose Anger
- Supervise our reaction of anger with Holy Spirit and not with the ego. Are we projecting onto someone else, our self, the body, the world, the past or God? Are we attributing the cause externally?
- Ask, “What is this for?” Is this anger to heal or to condemn?
- Accept our self while feeling anger but do not justify it. Remember anger is not wrong. It is just false. There is no guilt when we recognize it as false; a mistaken interpretation only.
- Do the forgiveness/Atonement process if required (click here for the process)
- Self-check to see if there is still a desire to feel victimized and justified in anger. Note without any self-judgment that this is a sure sign we still value attack and want to keep it. On the other hand, if there is even a faint sense of gratitude that begins to replace the anger then healing is well underway! We have changed our unconscious goal from the ego’s “wish to be unfairly treated” to the Holy Self’s goal of liberation from sin, guilt and fear. Time to celebrate!
I would like to include one possible phase in the process of undoing the false-self just in case it might be helpful to those who are experiencing it. I went through this phase. It involves the experience of submerged anger suddenly erupting in waves over a period of time. Often there appears to be no particular person or thing that we associate with it.
I found that this long repressed anger just had to emerge to be seen while its real source (within) needed to be recognized in order to be surrendered for True healing. I felt something had gone wrong and blamed myself for not being able to see through the confusion at the time. Now in retrospect, I see that my confusion had evoked fear and contraction. Instead of recognizing and receiving the gift this massive purging was attempting to give me…I resisted it. It took a long time to pass through this phase because of my resistance to it.
In summary, we can never heal our anger while we still attempt to place the cause outside in another, the past, our self, the body, the world or God. These are purely effects and never the cause of our anger. This Truth is incontestable if we desire to heal the fundamental cause of all anger.
Helpful Inquiry to Expose the Source of Anger
If all attack is essentially self-attack then acceleration of the healing process involves looking at how we may have betrayed our self first. Answer these questions with radical self-honesty:
- Where did I abandon myself, my inner knowing? How did I not show-up for myself?
- Where was I not completely honest, accountable and transparent?
- Was I trying to give something in order to get something in return? For example, approval, recognition, special favors, etc
- Did I have an agenda?
- Did I want to be right more than I wanted to close the gap with another?
- Did I take something personally? Only the ego can do this. The Holy Self cannot.
- Was I offended? Remember that to take offense and to give offense are the same mistake.
If you’d like to learn more about triggers here are three helpful excerpts:
The Shocking Truth about Being Unfairly Treated: https://takemetotruth.org/nouks-blog/the-shocking-truth-about-being-unfairly-treated/
Re-purposing Our Triggers: https://takemetotruth.org/nouks-blog/re-purposing-our-triggers/
The Seven Essential Principles of Quantum Forgiveness: https://takemetotruth.org/nouks-blog/the-seven-essential-principles-in-quantum-forgiveness/
NOTE: My bestselling book, The End of Death, is available in AUDIO BOOK, PAPERBACK & KINDLE. To download a free Chapter of the audio book and for more valuable tools and meditations, go to: www.EndOfDeath.com