I was convinced that if an uncompromising teacher of Love showed up in my life then they would fit neatly into my preconceived beliefs about what that would look like. I was wrong.
In January 2011, I began to receive a series of clear transmissions on the deeper teachings of A Course in Miracles directly from Jesus. The result is the book, The End of Death; Volume One which was published in Feb. 2014 (see EndOfDeath.com).
The End of Death is a pretty radical teaching. It points to the complete undoing of fear and suffering and the joyful resurrection of our innocent and indestructible Holy Self. I learned a great deal as I wrote this book. And my relationship with Jesus truly flourished.
During that three year period I experienced increasingly undeniable memories of a time I was with Jesus in His incarnation. I remember asking for more illumination about that time but only if it served the purpose of undoing fear and increasing trust in the present. I certainly did (and continue to) receive abundant confirmation that in this seeming life, I am to further embody that which I had not quite completely embraced in that incarnation.
Now I know this to be the deeper teachings of the literal undoing of the ego’s central dream of death in all its manifestations. In other words, I am to participate fully in the final stages of the Atonement Plan.
Writing this book has been a monumental undertaking. I must confess I felt terribly alone with these seemingly blasphemous teachings at times. I did not know another teacher/student who was seeing/living the literal teachings of Jesus in the Course; one who was as uncompromising as I was.
Around early 2013 I reached a particularly unbearable point where I called out loudly to Jesus. I wrote of my distress, my doubts about being qualified for this task and feelings of aloneness with these teachings, and I begged Jesus to show up in “form” not just for a moment or an hour but for a lengthy period – long enough for me to really learn to completely embody His teachings.
Jesus did attempt to bring this teaching into the world 2000 years ago, but the world was too fearful of Love to embrace it at that time. His disciples then, had the benefit of Jesus in form and experienced abundant physical demonstrations of miracles to help them learn to transfer their trust from the world’s laws of fear to God’s Laws of Love and healing. They had many hands on experiences of learning to look past the “appearance” of scarcity, sickness and death and to expect and accept the miracle instead.
A few months after my loud call to Jesus, a series of synchronicities lead to me meeting a teacher of Truth. Later I learned that he’d experienced a profound awakening around the same time that I had begun to receive these transmissions from Jesus in early 2011. And with great delight, I soon recognized that he was just as singularly devoted to this path of awakening as I was. In fact I recognized quickly that he was exceedingly uncompromising and downright unrelenting in his commitment to Truth, to awakening. And this (surprisingly) initiated a very deep fear response in me. I felt as if I went into a tail spin of confusion and self-doubt. A truckload of judgments and deep-seated fears surged in waves that rose to my conscious awareness all at once.
I experienced the height of this undoing recently with a wonderful group of 42 people during our Retreat and trip to Israel. This unconventional teacher of Love I speak of was present. When an uncompromising teacher of Love shows up it can be incredibly intimidating at first because we often defend whatever remains of our mistaken concepts and identity.
My final bastion of resistance against Love was a much defended sense of false humility – what Jesus calls arrogance. And this was heavily protected indeed. By keeping myself small and unable to receive fully, I was disclaiming my Identity in and as God.
I became temporarily disarmed as this revealed itself more deeply. It felt as if everything I thought I knew had fallen away and in its place a vast and empty vacuum appeared. All there seemed to be was Unknowing. And the fear of this Unknown had completely but temporarily rendered me incapable of teaching.
Certainty appeared to vanish just long enough for me to truly allow a genuine healing to take place. Thank God this was just a short albeit necessary passage that I had to move through!
For those who were present and witnessed my seemingly vacuous state, it must have been a little scary. Thankfully it was simply a passing state and as I write this now, I feel I had allowed a great emptying out in order to receive Heaven within and to help bring Heaven to Earth; a profound reordering of perception that makes way for the Real World to manifest from cause to effect. As one mind heals all minds heal because we are One Mind.
Rattling our Identity Windows
I thank this uncompromising teacher because he’s a perfectly imperfect demonstration of Love. For some he certainly does not fit their conceptual ideal of what an awakened teacher might look like. He is relentless in his joyful rattling of our identity windows…until we choose to either shut him out completely or we triumphantly decide to throw open our doors and windows and invite the Light of Love to flood the darkest corners of our being.
Awakening is a continual unfolding and an ever expanding extension of our Self as God’s infinite Love and Will. I feel there is no limit on our awakening. We’re all in different phases of remembering and embodying our Holy Self as God. As we choose to close the imaginary gap between our self and God, only that which has always been True is embraced and lived.
Getting back to the joyful rattling of identity windows, let me share a wonderfully healing example of what one of our Israel participants experienced in her initial reaction to the presence of this divine clown of a teacher. Later on I learned there were quite a few who shared her original response:
~ “Here is what my little ego did in response to uncompromising Love, in the form of John M. This guy cannot be for real; he is a fraud, a jokester. No one is this happy all the time. He celebrates his happiness. He is just an attention getter. Is that sexual energy flying around over there? I knew it.
Typical, same old story again. Jealously – maybe I can get some of that attention over here? LOL! The ego will twist itself in knots to remain unhappy and a victim. Meanwhile John M is happy as Larry. He does not respond to my ego at all. He only sees the truth in me, eternal Love. My ego cannot hide anymore. This guy sees through my disguise, my discomfort rises.
Until finally, I remember who I AM. There is no threat. I cannot lose anything. I go to HS, please HS help me to forgive myself for using John M to attack myself and separate from your Love as my Holy Self. Then I get it. I did this 2,000 years ago in this same place. I was part of the mob crucifying Christ.
Here I am in 2014 in the same city, Jerusalem, and I am attacking John M! What is going on here? Of course I am not crucifying anyone but myself as I have done for centuries.
Every negative thought I have nails me to the cross of suffering and death. My ego would love nothing better than for me to go unconscious again, promising to wake up later, not now. Meanwhile another life dies. Mine.
No. I will not play this game any longer. The remembrance of eternal Love is waking up in me. Thank you John M for a real lesson in Love without opposite.” ~
Jesus was Fiercely Uncompromising
Very rapidly, while in Israel, I got to see facets of the one awakening Christ that triggered what I can only relay as a deep cellular memory of the time I walked in physical form with Jesus. Contrary to what I had previously believed, the presence of absolute Love is extremely threatening to the separate self. It believes this Love is its death. And it’s right. Because the separate self is death, it perceives uncompromising Love as its complete annihilation.
All-encompassing Love has no opposite because by its nature, it is all-encompassing. Nothing else but this exists! Regardless of what we appear to perceive through the lens of fear, Love as our eternal innocence and joy, is all that exists. That means that a separate identity, even one that has accomplished many good deeds and amassed countless Spiritual concepts, as innocent as it is, cannot survive in the presence of the brilliant Light of innocent Truth as Love.
I was reminded that Jesus was not the seemingly meek, soft and fuzzy type who taught via the love, peace and brown rice style that many have come to accept as being Spiritual. No. He was (and is) a fiercely uncompromising and unrelenting Teacher of Love. That meant He refused to align with the world’s number one idol and identity: guilt. He was completely judge-less. He unequivocally saw only innocence and it was only innocence that He called forth from the world. But in this, He threatened the very core of the ego thought system.
He came to remove our heavily armed and defended identities. Imagine that. Let’s be brutally honest here. To what degree would we attack someone who came to take away our identity?
In all honesty, the ego’s instinct would be to kill him (and they did); Kill this seeming threat of the annihilation of our identity in guilt. Without judgment and guilt we’d have no separate identity and no remaining fear of God as Love, as our One Holy Self. That final illusory gap between us and God would vanish in the blink of an eye. And we would know our Self to be the I AM.
If my false identity depends on guilt and you attempt to take my guilt away – you effectively rob me of my identity and with it, the right to condemn others. This means I would have to recognize that I had never been victimized by anyone or anything nor could I ever be. It would mean that “I” as I knew myself would disappear and the terror (or the joy) of revealing and claiming my True Identity as God’s innocent Child who shares His Power equally, would arise.
Jesus challenges us continually to look at where we have been lying to our Self, where we have unknowingly abandoned and betrayed our Self by choosing fear. He teaches that the fake “love” we have come to idolize was made to ensure our continued sleep in the dream of fear.
He shakes us awake telling us that when we’re concerned about someone’s physical or emotional state, that we are not expressing Love but hate as attack. He completely upturns the tables on our concepts of Love. He was (and is now) the greatest of all blasphemers.
If our greatest romance of all time has been with guilt then our supreme fear must be to relinquish guilt and to claim our perfect innocence. In this alone we will see the eternal innocence of others as our One Christed Self. Here we embody our innocence. It’s no longer a concept but a reality from which we live out. It is no less than the absolute certainty of our (and others) complete invulnerability, as an indestructible Being who lives eternally in and as God.
Joy and Miracles Abound
The End of Death teachings, as direct transmissions from Jesus, remain solid as a rock, as I joyfully await the many more miracles that will come from this great period of shift and change.
I had invited Jesus to show up in form and that is exactly what happened. Of course now I realize my deeper prayer was met; I had asked for those aspects of Christ, the ones I had unknowingly resisted, to appear in form so as I could release these remaining blocks and embrace what I had previously denied. I am so filled with gratitude for this!
As I write this, I feel a familiar sense of uncompromising Love arising within me yearning to be completely embraced and extended. I wonder how deeply the one I AM can now manifest as the Second Coming of Christ. I wonder…
“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God”
Thank you John Mark Stroud, www.onewhowakes.org
NOTE: I (Nouk) and Sparo Vigil, will co-facilitate a 4-day Retreat with John Mark Stroud in Santa Fe, NM in November. For details go to www.undoing-the-ego.org Events. Also Sparo and I will be co-facilitating two Retreats with Stacy Sully, one in Portland OR and one in Ontario, Canada in August. Visit www.undoing-the-ego.org Events for more details.
From Jesus: “When you unite with me you are uniting without the ego, because I have renounced the ego in myself and therefore cannot unite with yours. Our union is therefore the way to renounce the ego in you. The truth in both of us is beyond the ego. Our success in transcending the ego is guaranteed by God, and I share this confidence for both of us and all of us.” T-8.V.4:1-4
NOTE: My bestselling book, The End of Death, is available in AUDIO BOOK, PAPERBACK & KINDLE. To download a free Chapter of the audio book and for more valuable tools and meditations, go to: www.EndOfDeath.com