Copyright 2017 Nouk Sanchez
NOTE: Please read PART ONE – Click here to read “When a Relationships is Threatened” first
The six stages of the development of trust are like a vast tapestry of un-learning, re-purposing and then learning with the Holy Spirit. There are so many sub-phases involved while we continue to revisit earlier lessons and stages in order to reinforce our new mindset.
As we journey through these stages our awareness is cleansed of mistaken beliefs and values. Relationships are the overarching medium through which we make this transition from special to Holy, from fear to Love without opposite.
As we seem to advance in our trust in God as our Holy Self there is a considerable shift toward being authentic. Radical self-honesty is one of the most important qualities that we will develop in this process. We must be willing to see how we have deceived our self and others by not showing up for our self authentically for fear of judgment, rejection and loss. We do need to see without self-judgment just how we have abandoned our self in relationships while unwittingly resenting others for it.
This is where consistent application of the Seven Key Principles to authentic communication helps us to navigate our way toward aligning with the Christ within. These principles are a fast track to undoing the old specialness dynamic in our relationships.
Jesus tells us that there are “three levels” of relationship in the Manual for Teachers, Section 3. The first appears to be quite superficial such as those fleeting meetings with strangers in social situations, perhaps in an elevator, bus or train, or in the supermarket where we show-up for an instant and genuinely express kindness to another; a Holy Instant of recognition.
I want to address the second level of relationship in more detail later in this section as this level seems the most prevalent, misunderstood and often the most heartbreaking of all relationship attempts.
The third level of relationship Jesus says are ones that are lifelong. These are generally very few because the teaching-learning balance remains perfect for both and this sustains the relationship so that it becomes a lifelong union. This does not mean the relationship is without conflict though. But it does mean they experience consistent opportunities to learn the lesson of forgiveness. And some actually do!
The teaching-learning dynamic involves a delicate balance between two people although they may not be conscious of it at the time. Let’s remember that we are all teachers and students who swap roles intermittently. The real question in any one moment is, “What are we teaching?” Is it Love or fear?
Teaching comes not from what we say but from how we live, from our demonstration. Are we demonstrating forgiveness? Do we really desire to see others as sinless, as guiltless? If not then we’re teaching fear and not Love.
Level two relationships seem to involve a fall out or separation. Most romantic relationships come under this category as “love” seems to change more so within sexual unions. The body and its sexual appetites often becomes an idol in the relationship, one that is used to reinforce guilt to obscure the real Love that is ever present in each partner.
Let’s take a look at Jesus’ description of level two relationships:
“Each teaching-learning situation is maximal in the sense that each person involved will learn the most that he can from the other person at that time. In this sense, and in this sense only, we can speak of levels of teaching. Using the term in this way, the second level of teaching is a more sustained relationship, in which, for a time, two people enter into a fairly intense teaching-learning situation and then appear to separate. As with the first level, these meetings are not accidental, nor is what appears to be the end of the relationship a real end. Again, each has learned the most he can at the time. Yet all who meet will someday meet again, for it is the destiny of all relationships to become holy.” M-3.4.
We also see the “falling out” dynamic in many friendship and family relationships. Past grievances are held firmly in the present as the un-remedied cause of separation. In these fragile relationships there are rules, rituals and conditional agreements which when threatened or broken, are deemed as sufficient justification to withdraw Love. Love then turns to hate (which is impossible in reality as Love is changeless). Here we can see that if love turns to hate then it certainly was not Love spelt with a capital “L.”
Jesus makes note that we don’t question the idea that we can love and hate together. We accept this as normal. In our special relationships it goes on all the time. We love one moment and if someone does not do what we want then pseudo love turns to hate in a flash.
By the way there are no degrees of hate. A mild irritation with someone is the same as outright rage. The reason for this is that there is no hierarchy of illusions. They are all the absence of Love in our awareness and therefore, an attempted attack on our Holy Self.
“No one considers it bizarre to love and hate together, and even those who believe that hate is sin merely feel guilty, but do not correct it.” T-16.V.3:4
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