PART ONE OF A 2-PART SERIES
All of what we react to emotionally, all that pulls frantically at our heart-strings and makes us cry out in pain either for our self or for someone else, is not at all what it seems. What I am about to share here is complete blasphemy to the ego. Yet this is not my interpretation of the Course, but Jesus’ teaching.
It’s taken thirty years in the illusion of time for me to attain this level of learning for myself. It was always there in the Course but my own fear-filter had obscured the profound and very practical ramifications of its meaning. And now, as I look at it not just intellectually this time, I can never again un-see the inevitable and massive cost of forgetting what has been revealed. Thank God.
Projection makes perception. What? Everything I appear to see, including every person and the seeming state of their body and mine, nature, pets, the world, and the past, all arise from one particular and laser like intention in my own mind. This localized focus is unrelenting. It cannot see anyone or anything in any other way. The false-self’s identity depends wholly on its programmed projections to witness all manner of signs of separation, pain and death.
This is what the body was invented for. Its five senses, it’s imagined past and its appetites are programmed to see what seems to be irrefutable evidence that we are guilty, alone, that we can be abandoned or betrayed, and that we are vulnerable to external influences including the body, and finally, that we will die.
But here is where we need to boldly strip naked what the world is terrified to see. This is where we get to look upon that secret agreement we made, the one we keep blindly choosing each time we perceive injustice of any kind.
The false-self’s livelihood is contingent upon a permanent source of guilt. We want the suffering because it provides the false-self with the guilt it requires in order for us never to awaken from this dream!
Without this guilt the ego, together with its separated world, falls away. It must project its own unfounded belief in sin, guilt and fear. And it must use the body’s senses to witness its fearful projections. The people and scenes it sees are self-chosen hallucinations as opposites of God’s Reality. Whilst left unquestioned and unforgiven, they serve to intensify our “fear of God” as unconscious attraction to self-punishment via the ego’s cycle of sin, guilt and fear.
If left undisputed and unforgiven, these “assumed as real” experiences impose a convincing block which is designed to completely obscure our awareness to the beauty of the ever- present Real World where real healing has already been given. This is why one of the most fundamental teachings in the Course is to learn to look past “appearances.” This is a crucial step in forgiveness.
Appearances of adversity can only be desired and consequently witnessed through the ego’s fear-filter. To believe in something either painful or pleasurable, we must first desire it. Everything we believe arises from our desire for it. And this primordial and unconscious desire for adversity begins with the ego’s addiction to sin. It cannot survive without it. Belief in sin makes guilt and fear. Nothing but our investment in sin can produce guilt and fear.
We unconsciously desire guilt so we believe in and thus see fearful appearances in the body, others and the world. And once we’re lost in fear then it will be fear itself that attempts to remedy the disease or problem.
The one that desires, believes in, and then sees and reacts to pain, and the one trying to fix it, are the same. Only this self can believe in pain. By belief in it, and defense against it, it values and attracts it. This self absolutely must desire to see pain to keep its pseudo self concept intact. All the while this unchecked fear is pursuing more guilt for us. It thrives on witnessing evidence of its guilt in sickness, conflict, pain, lack and death all to ensure its reality and authority over God’s.
“This is in accord with perception’s fundamental law: You see what you believe is there, and you believe it there because you want it there. Perception has no other law than this.” T-25.III.1:3-4
Our Holy Self does not waste an instant in looking at the illusion of devastation. Being acutely present as Love in the Holy Instant, it knows God’s Answer of healing is here, now. And because it has conviction in only this, its certainty replaces the ego’s destructive hallucination. It never looks upon adversity as real and then attempts to heal it. It knows there is no threat in God’s Love. It therefore looks clear past the problem from the outset.
“Forgiveness that is learned of me does not use fear to undo fear. Nor does it make real the unreal and then destroy it. Forgiveness through the Holy Spirit lies simply in looking beyond error from the beginning, and thus keeping it unreal for you. Do not let any belief in its realness enter your mind, or you will also believe that you must undo what you have made in order to be forgiven. What has no effect does not exist, and to the Holy Spirit the effects of error are nonexistent. By steadily and consistently cancelling out all its effects, everywhere and in all respects, He teaches that the ego does not exist and proves it.” T-9.IV.5.
When we try to heal our self or another through fear (ego), we use fear to undo fear which is impossible. In this, we do make the problem or illness real first. And once it’s made real we then attempt to destroy (or heal) it. Do not trust the body’s senses as they are programmed by fear to look upon what fear made.
A Frightening Emergency or a Miracle?
Let me share an example of my own experience of being triggered by the initial insanity of stark terror, to turning my perception over to Holy Spirit. This frightening emergency could have manifested into something quite disastrous – but something extraordinary revealed itself because I purposely intercepted the ego’s hidden desire for pain.
Many years ago, my partner was rushed to hospital in an ambulance. He had blacked out and the medics suspected a heart attack. I received a tearful call from my daughter, explaining what had happened saying that he still had not regained consciousness. This call came just as I had dropped a friend off at the airport which was around forty five minutes drive away from the hospital.
To the false-self this was an absolute nightmare. I remember those first few moments after the frantic call. Forty five minutes is a lifetime! Would I reach him in time? Was the hug we shared earlier that day the last hug we would ever have? Will the medics know what to do? What if he dies? And on and on.
The automatic and compulsive reaction to seeing someone in pain or sick, especially with a loved one, is a knee-jerk reaction to do something at the behavioral/form level. Yet any action we take that stems from fear may appear to be helpful at the form level, however, the unforgiven source of its “intent” is guilt. This fear or concern is therefore an attack. Fear is never justified because to believe it is to renounce God and our unified Holy Self with our brothers.
When in fear we must learn to make one fundamental distinction: Fear is always an attack on our Self. It comes from the erroneous assumption that we’re estranged from God’s Love – guilty – and as a result, deserving of pain. This is the singular, yet insane belief that underlies every stab of fear regardless of the form it takes.
Therefore, we choose to join with Spirit and sincerely desire to accept that His Will for us is uninterrupted Love, happiness and healing. In this Holy Instant we close the ego’s gap of fear and accept a miracle instead. This is God’s Will. This is accepting the Atonement. We must accept and receive the Atonement first so as we can extend it. Accepting Atonement (forgiveness of what we seem to perceive), undoes the block to healing as guilt/fear. Now, our mind is free of fear and we can join with another’s mind and help heal them.
Any attempt to heal stemming from fear, will block healing the single cause of the particular issue, which is always guilt caused by the belief that there is gap between us and God and our brothers.
All attempts to heal or problem solve through fear impede healing. Please do not go into self-judgment if this is your experience. Remember that it’s the ego that does this and not You as the Holy Self. The illusory ego together with all its mistakes, does not exist. Only You as the sinless, eternally innocent Child of God, are real. The Atonement as forgiveness undoes your false belief in the unreal ego and heals its equally illusory consequences.
Let’s get back to my initial terror when I received the call telling me about my partner’s emergency. And let’s really look at this scenario and how I joined with Jesus to undo (forgive) my initial reaction to it. At first I was upset to have been so far away when I received the call. But there is always a miracle behind every appearance of fear. I just had to desire (expect) the miracle more than I wanted (believed) the fear.
I knew that my initial spike of fear and panic was an immediate sign that I had abandoned my Self. And I also recognized that I could not abandon my Self to fear without also abandoning my partner. This really hit home. As a result, I resolved with Jesus to join with Him to shift my whole perception from fear, to Love.
I had a long drive to get to the hospital. The very first miracle that I opened to was the recognition that I really needed this time in which to align my Self vertically. I had a tiny moment of gratitude for this. This spark of gratitude was the light in which I invited Christ Vision to blaze away the darkness of fear. Fear cannot abide in gratitude for these two are mutually exclusive. This is why in order to heal, our desire to feel gratitude must replace the ego’s desire to experience resentment, conflict or pain. Gratitude is Love and the miracle appears with it.
What came up next for me involved looking at my very worst fear that he would die. This is the ego’s fear and whatever it fears it secretly attracts. So I knew to give this one immediately to Spirit to be forgiven. I remembered to enter the Holy Instant and to join with Jesus and my partner there. Here, I accepted Holy Spirit’s evaluation of my Self as eternally innocent, safe and forever protected. Once I touched this feeling in my heart, I was able to bring my partner there too. A palpable peace flooded through me and I felt that peace extend to Lee. That was enough. In fact, that instant of peace was everything. I didn’t need to worry or do anything more. Everything was forgiven in that joining. The Holy Instant does everything!
When I arrived at the hospital time itself had collapsed. Only thirty minutes had gone by and it wasn’t from me speeding! I was quickly ushered in only to see my partner laying there unconscious hooked up to all manner of contraptions. Once again I entered a Holy Instant and asked to see only the miracle behind this upsetting appearance.
As soon as the nurse stepped out I was strongly guided to take his lifeless hand in mine and then to do something utterly outrageous. I leaned over his head, with my mouth to his ear, and with what seemed like all the Loving power of God, I roared at him, “Lee, what are you doing?! Where are you?! In God’s Name, I command you to come back!”
I commanded him to come back! Well, that did it. He returned immediately with all the contraptions pinging accordingly. He tried to open his eyes but it took a while for his body’s faculties to come back fully.
In the meantime, the doctor and nurse came in and were stunned by what they saw. The doctor explained to me that Lee had all the signs of a heart attack and that they would need to test him for heart damage. I stayed with Lee all night in between tests. I recall his doctor walking into the room just before dawn. He was astounded. The test results showed zero heart damage!
Earlier that night as Lee returned to full awareness he shared with me his own experience of what had happened when I intercepted the ego’s call to death. He said that he was traveling nowhere…it was darkness. Yet he felt powerless over where he was being taken. He just went with it, not realizing his dominion over this ego phenomenon.
He said that in that deep unconscious state, he heard my booming voice pierce the darkness. He heard my call for him to return. It woke him and called him back from the ego’s seductive lure toward death. He even remembered and repeated word for word exactly what I had roared in his left ear. The miracle brought him back. But it was my firm conviction not to drown in the appearance of fear and death. For if I had joined him and others in that fear…I would have abandoned him and my Self. I had to consciously replace the ego’s desire for guilt and fear with my desire for the Atonement, the Holy Instant, and the miracle. This is God’s Will.
“I have already said that miracles are expressions of miracle-mindedness, and miracle-mindedness means right-mindedness. The right-minded neither exalt nor depreciate the mind of the miracle worker or the miracle receiver. However, as a correction, the miracle need not await the right-mindedness of the receiver. In fact, its purpose is to restore him [to] his right mind. It is essential, however, that the miracle worker be in his right mind, however briefly, or he will be unable to re-establish right-mindedness in someone else.” T-2.V.3.
This was such a staggering miracle. But it happened specifically because I had released the ego’s desire for fear and devastation (guilt). It could not have occurred had I been in fear. If I had false compassion (sympathy) then I would have colluded with Lee’s wrong-minded wish to die, thus strengthening suffering and death for both of us. Through the Atonement, awareness of my incorruptible innocence was restored. This is my Holiness. Thus in that lucid peace, my mind was made free of fear, and this was all it took to bring him back.
“Your holiness (innocence) reverses all the laws of the world. It is beyond every restriction of time, space, distance and limits of any kind. Your holiness is totally unlimited in its power because it establishes you as a Son of God, at one with the Mind of his Creator.” … “Through your holiness the power of God is made manifest. Through your holiness the power of God is made available. And there is nothing the power of God cannot do. Your holiness, then, can remove all pain, can end all sorrow, and can solve all problems. It can do so in connection with yourself and with anyone else. It is equal in its power to help anyone because it is equal in its power to save anyone.” W-38.1,2.
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